HAVE you purchased an avocado you thought would be perfect but is hard as a diamond when you open the packet? You’ve probably fallen for these other supermarket lies too.
Fresh living basil pot
Ooh, lovely, you think, a nice pot of basil that you can pop on the windowsill and water, plucking fresh green leaves off to add to dishes throughout the coming weeks. Sadly the reality is that it turns black and shrivelled within seven hours of arriving at your home, so you bin it, along with your dreams of freshly made pesto.
Ripen at home plums
Allowing these to ripen at home seems like an excellent idea. You’ll enjoy eating them at the weekend. However, the weekend comes and goes without these tough little bastards softening even slightly. Then you come home from work one day and they’re mush. What the f**k happened during the eight hours you were out? A total mystery.
Soft French baguette
As you take it from the shelf, you can imagine yourself at breakfast tomorrow, slathering butter on this pillowy soft bread. However, by the time you get to it the following morning it’s become so hard that you could use it to knock out an assailant if necessary. You put it back in the bread bin only to find it’s gone mouldy three hours later. They’d be rioting about this nonsense in Paris.
‘Fully loaded’ pizza
Looking through the cellophane window on the box, this pizza certainly looks like it has been abundantly topped with mozzarella slices, peppers, ham and mushrooms. But when you open it ready for cooking you discover that this is the only fully loaded part and the rest of it has a smear of tomato sauce and thin scattering of cheddar. You spread out the toppings, and it still looks sad.
‘Ripe and ready’ avocados
The biggest supermarket con of all. You don’t bother squeezing them to check their ripeness, as it is very clearly stated on the packaging that they are fit for eating immediately. However, when you attempt to cut one open at home, it’s harder than titanium and unlikely to be anywhere near ready this side of Christmas. It won’t stop you buying them again though. Idiot.