THE inquiry into the Iraq war will leave out parts of the transcript where Tony Blair and George W Bush were exchanging bedroom intimacies.

Sir John Chilcot’s decision to omit pet names, coital exclamations and discussions about what position to try next time has been criticised by campaigners.

Tom Booker of the Stop the War Coalition said: “We’re told that these are ‘sweet nothings,’ murmured words of devotion and cries in the heat of passion.

“But how do we know that Bush didn’t say ‘This baby’s the only real weapon of mass destruction in this whole deal,’ or that Blair didn’t reply ‘Use me, use me like I’ll use the ill-won consent of Parliament’?”

A spokesman for the former Prime Minister said: “There are parts of the transcripts that, for security reasons and to ease the pain of a broken heart, should not be put in the public domain.

“After sex Bush usually liked to talk about Kennedy’s real assassin, what’s stored at Area 51, the US’s teleportation technology that’s being kept from the public and the hollow earth.

“Nobody needs to know anything about all that.”