subscribe
/ Sign Out

Man furious after imaginary argument based on unlikely situation

A MAN has been left furious after imagining a confrontation he might have if a hotel room was disappointing.

Roy Hobbs has booked a room at The Acorns in Dorset for a weekend with his wife, but is now angry after thinking up things that could go wrong and how he would stand up to management if they did.

Hobbs said: “I can see myself kicking off if the telly doesn’t have all advertised channels.

“They might possibly make some excuse like ‘the aerial’s down because of a storm’, then I’ll remind them that I’m paying for a  TV, so they can provide that or compensate me.

“If they refused, or made excuses, I would throw a chair at the air conditioning unit.”

He added: “That said, we’ve stayed there four times now and it’s always been very good.”

Hobb’s wife Jenny said: “He’s always thinking up hypothetical arguments and describing how they would play out.

“They are often about his work or public transport, but there was one where he was on a space station and a fellow astronaut had eaten all the powdered ice cream.

“If that happened, he wouldn’t have it.”

What sort of Brexit are you?

DO YOU want a hard Brexit, a soft Brexit, or a mega Brexit with extra mushrooms? Take our quiz to find out.

Should the UK remain a member of the single market?

  1. a) We must retain full unrestricted membership, whatever the price.
  2. b) We should get the single market and they should ask us if they can remain in it.
  3. c) Brexit.

What controls should there be on free movement?

  1. a) Skilled EU citizens like plumbers and builders allowed in Britain if cheaper and less uncouth than domestic ones, and Britons can take citybreaks without any visa nonsense.
  2. b) Everyone should have their papers with them and be terrified at all times like in war films.
  3. c) Brexit.

Is it important to remain part of the European Customs Union?

  1. a) If I say ‘no’, does that mean we get duty-free back?.
  2. b) I am confident that saying ‘no’ means we get duty-free back.
  3. c) Still Brexit.

How should the UK enforce its border with Ireland?

  1. a) As softly as possible, to not violate the Good Friday Agreement.
  2. b) 85ft wall with searchlights, minefields, snipers, loudspeakers broadcasting pro-British propaganda.
  3. c) Full-scale invasion of Ireland, unifying it and saving it from the dreaded EU.

Where would you envisage the UK’s economy being in two years?

  1. a) Please, please only a recession.
  2. b) Full-scale depression with rationing, 50 per cent youth unemployment, and luxury goods only available on black market.
  3. c) Proud.

What role should Nigel Farage have in the post-Brexit government?

  1. a) Nigel Farage has served his purpose and should be exiled to St Helena.
  2. b) Nigel Farage should be Britain’s unofficial ambassador to Keeping Donald Trump Stable.
  3. c) God-King.

Answers:

Mostly 1s – Oh dear, you want a soft Brexit. Don’t you realise that wasn’t the unspoken and unverified will of the British people?

Mostly 2s – You want your Brexit soaked in vinegar overnight and baked in the oven for three hours.

Mostly 3s – Brexit means Brexit.

Next story ›