SICK Communists in government have jeopardised your children’s futures by adding VAT to school fees. How can a humble, middle class professional like yourself cheat the system?
Pack the car and flee
With mere months before the January 2025 deadline, you must act. Pile your family and most precious possessions into the Range Rover Evoque and, like asylum seekers fleeing a war-torn country, head for a new life in a county with adequate grammar school provision.
Take on new names and identities
The shame of being one of Starmer’s ‘lost generation’ will follow your children forever. For their own protection, change their names to ensure no-one can trace them to their privileged previous life at Abbeyford Prep.
Quit your job
Boss unreasonably refusing to let you work permanently from home, even though this is a crisis? Even though there’s no affordable decent catchment within commuting distance? Quit. You don’t need the money for fees now, anyway. Food can be begged.
Move into a hotel
Selling a house takes too long, so you may temporarily need to reside in a Travelodge across the road from an outstanding school. It means selling the dog, but your children will look back and agree that Poppy the chocolate lab wouldn’t have wanted them to mix with council estate ruffians.
Have faith
Bear in mind that every aspirational parent in the country is feeling the same pain and panic. Satisfy yourself that even though you are homeless, dogless and unemployed, with sufficient eleven-plus tutoring your children will still get into Russell Group universities and onto the Deloitte grad scheme.
