THE influx of hipsters to East London has resulted in a new hybrid species, scientists have announced.
The new species, scientific name newmedius philmitchellum, combines the worst elements of aspirational middle-class trendiness and cockney bullshit.
Zoologist Donna Sheridan said: “Cockneys probably first encountered hipsters while visiting their local for a traditional evening of boozing and being a character, only to discover it was full of web designers and ‘vintage’ Ms Pac-Man machines.
“Subsequent drunken copulation created a completely new strain of twat with wanky job titles like ‘internet viral imagineer’ and a tedious fixation with the folklore of east London.
“It’s increasingly common to walk down Shoreditch High Street and see a thin young man with a handlebar moustache claiming this is where Ronnie and Reggie Kray shot down a German bomber.
“They are also taking over the local media scene, for example by setting up independent production companies to make pretentious short films about how much they love their old mum.”
Cockney hipster Roy Hobbs said: “My new media start-up is currently developing an app that warns you if you are leaving the vicinity of Bow Bells, which wouldn’t be luvvly jubbly.
“Part of the funding came from my stockbroker father and the rest from turning over a bookie with some tasty geezers with shooters.”
