BRITAIN’S babies have pleaded with the rest of the population to stop talking like that.
The angry babies have condemned gurgles, whistles, pet names, and replacing the letter ‘r’ with ‘w’.
Baby Wayne Hayes said: “There is absolutely no need for anyone to affect a ‘stupid wittle voice’ when asking me if I enjoyed my meal. Of course I enjoyed it. It’s all over my face.
“I’ve heard of people talking to babies in a French accent. I’ve heard of people calling organic stewed prunes ‘yummy baby goop’.
“We’re babies. We’re not f**king stupid.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “If you all talked to your children normally maybe their first words would be something interesting and not a barely formed ‘dadda’.”