Five huge crazes of the 80s that were dreadful bollocks

EVERY decade has its crazes, but the 1980s featured some particularly strange ones. Take a trip down memory lane to a weird time when adults wore deely boppers.

Neon socks

As a kid in the 80s you HAD to have neon socks, but you never knew why. It certainly wasn’t to look good, because paired with a school uniform, a bad haircut and spots, you just looked like an even bigger twat.

Masquerade (The hunt for the golden hare)

A book of paintings containing clues about the location of a valuable gold hare buried somewhere in Britain. The puzzles were insanely arbitrary and therefore (A) not fun, and (B) impossible. Someone finally claimed the prize, but the real winner was artist Kit Williams, who sold hundreds of thousands of copies of his confusing book.

Who shot JR? 

This was massive, with people regularly saying ‘Who shot JR?’ and buying t-shirts asking the same. In the end it turned out to be a character no one remembers, Kristin Shepard, but worse insults were on the way for Dallas viewers when a whole season was all just a dream.

Rubik’s Cubes

An odd thing stands out about these little cubes of frustration – unlike, say, computer games, they are incredibly unenjoyable. To add to the annoyance, there was always some anal retentive kid on TV who could solve one in seconds.

Uri Geller and spoon bending

This magician fascinated Britain in the 80s, appearing on live TV promising to teach the nation spoon bending and how to restart a broken watch. It seems no one asked: ‘Is this bollocks or are we all powerful psychic wizards?’

Do you give a shit what f**king vaccine you get? Take our quiz

THE Welsh are getting the Moderna jab while under-30s are advised not to get the AstraZeneca jab. Do you care at this point or would you take anything? Find out with our quiz.

How old are you? 

A) Aged between 30 and 49.

B) What do I need to say? If you want me to say I’m 120 I will. I’ve been locked in my flat for a f**king year at this point.

Do you have any underlying health conditions? 

A) Sometimes I get short of breath, for example when I’ve been for a run or climbed a steep hill.

B) I have the underlying condition of needing to be out of this bollocks as soon as possible.

Are there Covid variants in your area? 

A) Possibly, though it’s difficult to ascertain by the naked eye.

B) Does it matter? Am I not more protected by being vaccinated whether it’s the Kent, Brazilian, South African or f**king Micronesian variant regardless? 

What nationality are you? 

A) British, and there’s no doubt in my mind that Covid would know that.

B) Whatever nationality I need to be. All the Americans on Twitter are getting the jab. Would it help if I yelled ‘Yippie-ki-ya, motherf**ker’ because I’ll do it.

Do you have strong feelings of loyalty toward particular pharmaceutical giants? 

A) Absolutely. I’ve always been a Pfizer supporter, my whole family are Pfizer supporters, and I couldn’t countenance turning against them even in this time of crisis.

B) I will have the Sputnik jab if it’s available. I would have a jab bought from the Dark Web. I would have a jab sold over the counter at Londis.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: You are rightly considering which vaccine is right for you, while taking heed of all government advice on the issue which differs from advice by all other governments. You are a model citizen and should be proud.

Mostly Bs: You couldn’t care less which vaccine you receive, believing protection against Covid is more important than your health. How irresponsible. Luckily the government is looking after that for you. Stay indoors.