THE male climax, an enduring obsession of men from adolescence to senescence, is described by them in such lyrical, poetic and respectful ways. Here are a few:
Going off
A beautiful phrase usually reserved for the point where meat passes from edibility, but also used in lovemaking. ‘We’re trying for a baby, so I’m going off up her again.’
Blowing one’s biscuits
Unfathomable that these captivating words aren’t employed in more seductions. ‘Can I tempt you with champagne on the balcony as a prelude to blowing my biscuits over you?’
Spaff
Famously used by classics scholar, prime minister and great lover Boris Johnson, who said wasted public money had been ‘spaffed up the wall’. If only he’d done it more himself.
Nutting
In English a headbutt, in American English the male climax. ‘She knew then, from the enraptured expression on the face she adored so much, that he had nutted.’
Shooting one’s wad
How marvellous it must feel to be the fortunate recipient of such a shot wad. How blessed to be shot with a wad. No wonder women love to talk to men about sex.
Spunk up
‘Reader, she married him. And on their wedding night so beguiled with Jane’s beauty was Mr Rochester that he spunked up almost before he had taken leave of his breeches.’
Throw a load
A versatile phrase that could be used while fly-tipping building waste in a lay-by or in an act of sexual congress where bodies and minds come together as one.
Jizz
Can it really be true love if he has yet to jizz? Is not the moment of jizzing the moment a bond eternal between a couple is sealed? But not if, immediately afterwards, he says ‘I’ve jizzed’?
