Daley’s sexuality not remotely important, says Clare Balding’s gran

TOM Daley’s sexuality is not a particularly big deal for society or diving, Clare Balding’s gran has confirmed.

As the media sought frantically to convince you this was the 1950s, Clare Balding’s gran dismissed the coverage of the Olympic hero’s ‘coming out’ as the ‘inevitable result of newspapers that are lacking in self-confidence and hopelessly disconnected from their readers’.

Clare Balding’s gran said: “Commentators have an insatiable, almost childish desire for attention.

“This manifests itself in acres of over-wrought, continually self-justifying prose, as they try so desperately hard to make everything seem ‘important’.

“We each retain the basic human right to decide what is and is not significant to us, as individuals.

“We must not allow ourselves to be oppressed by the dictatorship of manufactured opinion.”

Clare Balding’s gran added: “Yes, I told Clare that I thought her relationship with Alice Arnold was ‘disgusting’, but she stormed off before I had the chance to explain.

“The truth is, I just don’t like Alice Arnold. When I hear her voice it makes me think of Radio Four and I loathe Radio Four.

“Self-satisfied, middle-class garbage.”