Couple in desperate race to buy second-cheapest thing on wedding list

A COUPLE are racing against time to buy the second least expensive item on their friends’ wedding list.

Dozens of fellow guests are competing against Emma Bradford and Tom Booker to buy the second-cheapest item on the online list, an £8.99 ‘vintage style toast rack’.

The cheapest item is a £5.50 candleholder but that could be deemed taking the piss.

Wedding guests began scouring the list as soon as they received the email, with the goal of making it look like they purchased the almost-cheapest thing by chance.

Bradford said: “I’m on my phone and my partner is on his tablet and we still can’t find something that’s cheap but not the cheapest. WHY CAN’T YOU FILTER BY PRICE?”

Booker added: “There’s a fridge on there. What kind of twat expects someone to buy them a fridge?”

Groom Roy Hobbs said: “The important thing is that all our friends come and celebrate with us, nobody has to buy us anything.

“This detailed list of 208 items to suit every pocket is just to provide ‘gift inspiration’.”

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UK economy now 92 per cent paintball

BRITAIN’S economy is almost entirely based on paintball, according to new figures.

The UK economy grew 0.4% in the last quarter, mainly due to the hard work of people who hang around outside supermarkets with trestle tables promoting the paint-based shooting game.

Paintball company boss Wayne Hayes said: “We are proud to be the backbone of British industry. Now that there are no factories and nobody in an office does any actual work, we’re basically keeping things going.

“If you’re organising a stag or hen do or simply want a great day out, give me a shout, I’m usually in your local market town wearing camouflage trousers while handing out leaflets.

“We can tweak the guns if you like so that it hurts more when you shoot someone in the nuts. It’s illegal though so don’t tell anyone.”

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