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Bully who picked on her at school was right to do so, woman realises

A WOMAN has come to the unwelcome conclusion that her childhood bully had a point because she was an annoying little shit.

The shocking realization hit Hannah Tomlinson as she discussed school experiences with friends and was surprised to find the bully was just a girl called Gemma who she used to bug the shit out of.

Tomlinson said: “I never understood why she was so vicious, but it turns out it was because I was twatting around singing showtunes and making life deliberately hard for everyone around me.

“Objectively, was it harsh for her to throw my bag in the dinner bins? Yes. But had I, apparently, spent ten minutes gloating about my Sergio Tacchini tracksuit and mocking her knock-off Adidas? Also yes.

“And yeah, looking at photos, that is absolutely a bellend haircut. She had me bang to rights there.

“I remember it as a brutal reign of terror. Actually what happened is I stopped being such an arsehole and everyone was quite grateful to her.

“Still, I’m nothing like that now. Which I’ll be explaining to HR because I’m definitely being bullied by Andrew when he begs me to please shut up.”

Cricket for posh twats and everything follows from that, report finds

AN independent report has concluded that cricket is largely played by wanker posh boys and is therefore bad in all the ways that posh wankers are always bad. 

The Equity in Cricket report found racism, sexism, classism and elitism is widespread in the sport, that 58 per cent of England cricket players are privately educated, and invited the reader to fill in the f**king blanks.

It continued: “If only the rah-rah boys play and only the rah-rah boys watch, you’ve got a sport fit only for braying pricks in red trousers. Obviously.

“And since there’s no prospect of interesting anyone who wasn’t bred to take the boredom of a five-day Test in this pathetic excuse for a sport, it’s going to stay that way.

“They’re racist because the only black man they met was a genuine Nigerian prince at Harrow, they’re sexist because they’re trained not to think of women as people, they’re classist because even going to a minor public school makes you an oik. They’re posh twats.

“They’ll never change. And, given we can’t even get them out of government, we’re hardly going to kick them out of their own sport, are we?”

The report concluded that cricket should therefore be abolished and outlawed, and that nobody at all would miss it.

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