Facebook launches 'Indifferent to' button

SOCIAL networking site Facebook has launched a tool for expressing ambivalence.

The new ‘Indifferent to’ button will allow users to highlight things on the internet that they don’t care about.

A Facebook spokesman said: “In a world obsessed with status, indifference is perhaps the most aspirational emotion.

“You can say to your friends, ‘look at all these people and objects I can’t even bring myself to consider’.

“Then they will think you are great.”

28-year-old Emma Bradford said: “I’ve indifferented a Mumford & Sons video, a website about helicopters and a picture of a bowl of lentils.

“I feel so deliciously insouciant. I’m like a young Debbie Harry, the emotionally detached ice queen of the internet.

“It’s also good to be able to read lists of things my friends feel unengaged by. I see cantilever bicycle brakes are appearing on a lot of people’s feeds, also flapjacks and moderately windy days.

“I really like indifference.”

 

 

Pope headhunted by Satan

POPE Benedict XVI is leaving his post at the Vatican to work for the devil.

Joseph Ratzinger handed in his 30 days’ notice to God, telling a surprised deity that he would be taking up a key role with His arch-rival.

The Pope will become marketing director at Satan’s newly-founded Temple of Darkness, a global devil-worship brand.

He said: “Poping has been great fun and over the last eight years I have met a lot very strange people with some fascinating secrets.

“This isn’t about money, it’s about the creative challenge. I’ll be using my understanding of dogma to create a manifesto for a great new sin-based brand.

“Satan runs a fun, hip organisation – he’s like the Google of worship. There’ll be chilled out brainstorming sessions and loads of muffins.

“Also, I hate hymns, so it’ll be great to organise services where we listen to Cradle of Filth.

“And it will be nice to finally work for a company where I can say, ‘yeah, we’re supposed to do stuff like that’.”

He added: “Thanks to all the priests and nuns, I hope we stay in touch. Thanks to God – I couldn’t have done it without You. And of course, thanks to Tony and Cherie – you guys are mental!”

Satan said: “The Hitler Youth and the Vatican. I should be working for him.”

 

 

Pope memories:

Pope Congratulated On Size Of His Balls

Pope Says Child Abuse The Same As Using The Wrong Cutlery

Pope To Fulfil Lifelong Dream Of Invading Britain

Put A Bible Over Your Penis, Says Pope