MOST couples who live in massive houses with multiple reception rooms and a large garden f**king hate each other, a new study has shown.
These homes, which feature super king beds, a study and a snug, mean the couple can go for approximately two weeks without touching, speaking or even having to acknowledge each other.
Dr Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The common perception is that couples in small flats and houses get on each other’s tits, but actually having a small double bed leads to more shagging, and no spare room means you have to make up after a fight.
“In a large house, the extra space means more fights about what furniture to buy and whether a hot tub is tacky or not, and of course there’s a larger dishwasher to badly stack.
“That said, the most despondent couples were ones with SUVs, which are a cry for help. They say: ‘I hate myself and my life so I’ve bought a great big cocoon that I can use to hide out on my sweeping gravel driveway.'”
Rich husband Julian Cook said: “I detest my wife. We should accept we’re fundamentally incompatible, get divorced and carve new, more fulfilling paths in life. Or we could convert the loft.”
