EVERY man’s wardrobe contains horrors that he’s weirdly attached to even though they should have been binned long ago. Like these:
That bloody hoody
He’s owned it since long before you met him and it is essentially a sartorial safety blanket. He’s even chewed the sleeves, like an actual baby. He doesn’t wear it anymore because you won’t let him but the truth is that he’s just biding his time until you split up.
Those trainers
A pair of standard issue black Converse that have somehow survived every clothing cull for the past eight years. Considering they retail at £50 it’s baffling he keeps hold of them, no matter how comfy they are, because there is more hole than trainer. Plus, they make him look like a failed graphic designer.
His ‘pulling’ pants
These trousers are so called because he snogged a girl in a Yates’ Wine Lodge in Colchester in 2006 while wearing them. Despite your protestations that they will never fit him again because his waistline is now four inches larger he still regards them with a bizarre sense of sentimental nostalgia.
A band t-shirt from 1998
He’s had that Ocean Colour Scene t-shirt for so long that it has now come back into fashion and gained a sense of nostalgic cool. Unfortunately it has also gained a very stubborn smell and several holes, so you can’t even eBay it and spend the money on some grown up clothes for him.
His best jeans
For ‘best’ read ‘only’. These jeans get worn every single day and you can’t recall every seeing them go through the wash. If you checked the pockets you’d probably find a paper tenner and a Woolworths receipt, but wild horses wouldn’t drag you close to the crotch of those trousers which is why you’ll only shag him after he’s had a shower.
