BOYFRIEND sometimes irritating? Is his narcissistic personality disorder luring you into his web of control freakery? Here are the signs, if you believe everything you read online:
Trying to possess you
Narcissistic boyfriends will lock you into relationships with gestures like getting a tattoo of both your names or giving you similarly engraved expensive jewellery. It might seem innocent, but it’s only a short step from a coffee mug with ‘Helen’ on it to keeping you naked in a cage in the basement, the f**king psycho.
Constant bragging
A common trait among narcissists is an inflated, grandiose sense of their own importance. Watch for statements reflecting his out-of-control egotism such as: ‘I thought I did a decent job of painting the spare room’, ‘Hey, I won a tenner on the lottery!’ or ‘Shall I make my famous stir fry tonight?’ Be prepared to run.
Massive sense of entitlement
There are many ways a narcissistic boyfriend will reveal his gargantuan sense of entitlement: eating the last two Hob-Nobs, wanting to watch a different TV programme or requesting more than three blowjobs per annum. Insist he gets professional help from a psychiatrist or failing that, inquire about having him sectioned.
Controlling behaviour
Demanding to know where you’ve been and who with is a major red flag. This behaviour will only get worse, so end the relationship immediately on being subjected to aggressive, Gestapo-style questioning like ‘Are you going to the shops?’ or ‘Was that your mum on the phone?’
Irrational sexual jealousy
He no doubt assumes you’re sleeping with all your male friends and acquaintances. Combat this with extreme sarcasm by telling him: ‘I went to work/Asda/the GP’s today, and you know what? I f**ked Steve/the guy on the till/Dr Miremadi.’ Your boyfriend may act hurt, but that’s another narcissistic trait: terrifying mind games.
Hypercritical of you and others
No-one can live up to the high standards of the narcissist. If you’re late meeting him expect a barrage of furious criticism like ‘You could have texted, I’ve been standing here 25 minutes.’ Or he might say ‘I like that red top of yours’ when you were thinking about wearing the green one. This harsh, obsessive criticism of a top you haven’t even worn yet is beyond insane. Dump him.
Compulsive cheating
Despite their possessiveness, narcissists desperately need their egos stroked by sexual conquest. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t have an actual affair, he will theoretically cheat on you with fantasy women such as Margot Robbie or Anya Taylor-Joy. Any man who watches a film with actresses in is a certified narcissist. You only watched Dune for the impressive CGI of the sandworms.
