AN office worker is lording it over his colleagues by alluding that he still occasionally has carnal knowledge of his wife.
Durham-based facilities manager Tom Logan enters the office dropping hints that he and his wife of 16 years have engaged in intercourse as frequently as four times a year.
Co-worker Francesca Johnson said: “He makes it so obvious, languidly yawning around the office saying ‘me and the little lady had a bit of a late one’ and winking.
“How does a 47-year-old man think his colleagues want to know that he still has occasional, underwhelming, missionary position sex with his wife? How does that make us feel?”
Boss Martin Bishop agreed: “He struts sensuously around the office, trailing an outstretched hand lingeringly across the photocopier, leaving everyone in no doubt that he enjoyed marital relations that weekend.
“It’s absolutely out of order for a man with two children and a property portfolio to be flaunting a semi-active sex life. But when I try to confront him about it, I’m intimidated. How can I rein in that stallion when I’ve not made love since the first lockdown?”
Logan said: “They’re jealous of the fiery erotic relationship I share with Margaret. Some people can’t handle sexually liberated middle-aged lovers exploring each others’ bodies once every three months, childcare permitting.”
