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Man who likes 'nights in, nights out' absolutely cleans up on dating site


A MAN who likes both ‘nights in’ and ‘nights out’ is absolutely storming it on a dating site.

Stephen Malley, 29, said: “I just put ‘nights in, nights out’ under the section marked ‘interests’ and my inbox just started blowing up.

“I had started to type out a lengthy explanation of how I like spending time with friends, say in a bar or resturant, but then I thought ‘hang on I also like being at home’.

“To begin with I was concerned that women might be put off by a man with such a complex duality. But now I’m glad that I decided to be honest.”

He added: “My inbox is completely full – and not just with women saying ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’. There are offers of marriage, people wanting to hook-up immediately – all of it accompanied by language that I would describe as ‘sexually aggressive’.”

Nikki Hollis, one of the woman who messaged Malley, said: “If there’s one thing I find irresistibly hot, it’s lack of detail.”

 

Wiggins denies he took 'Mod drugs' 


SIR Bradley Wiggins has rejected claims he won the Tour de France on a handful of Purple Hearts and some Mandrax.

The cyclist was accused of using a selection of ‘Mod drugs’ to give him a competitive advantage over rival racers, who he referred to as ‘a bunch of dirty greasers innit’.

A select committee of MPs reported: “Wiggins was unable to begin the day without a handful of either ‘blues’ or black bombers, depending on whether it was a flat or a mountain stage that day.

“He would then spend between one and four hours styling his hair before taking Mandrax to ‘smooth out the bumps’ and possibly mescaline if it was available, even though he described it as ‘hippy shit’.

“We suspect but cannot prove he rode a Lambretta moped during certain stages, an illegal move which went undetected because officials were easily spotted in his 14 wing mirrors.”

But Wiggins insisted: “I won by the sheer power of my modness. There were no drugs, but after wining each stage I would retire to my caravan and put on a high-cut double-vented purple mohair suit.”

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