DOES your partner have an important piece of information they simply must impart? They’ll choose one of these inappropriate times to do it:
When they’re on the phone and you’re halfway out the door
Your partner is on a work call and you’re leaving the house for an appointment. However, that won’t stop them from mouthing and gesturing at you desperately while you’re walking away from them. Ignore them, whatever they have to say is pointless and will just make you late.
When you’re having sex
You’re in the middle of an incredible shag and you think your partner is too, until you open your eyes and see them looking at you critically as you hump away. It’s at this moment that they decide to tell you that they can really see your blackheads this close up and it might be wise to get one of those pore strips that rips them all out.
While you’re trying to parallel park on a busy road
You’re trying to squeeze the car into a tiny space, there’s a queue of impatient motorists building up behind you, and your partner thinks now is the moment to explain why you were wrong during that argument you had three days ago. You prang the car. Another, bigger argument ensues.
At the cinema
You’re watching a quiet scene in an emotional art house film and your partner decides they must relay a tedious anecdote about something that happened at work today. You’re horribly embarrassed about the irritated shushing from the row behind but you also can’t really blame your partner as the film is crushingly dull.
When you’re asleep
Your partner spent all day fretting there was something they need to tell you, but they’ve forgotten what. Luckily, they remember it in the middle of the night and wake you up and tell you whatever piece of trivial nonsense it is. They fall blissfully asleep and you lie awake for the rest of the night wanting to kill them.
