LOOKING forward to a romantic dinner celebrating your relationship? Here’s how the fancy restaurant you chose will destroy your special night.
Overly attentive staff
By specifying that it’s your anniversary, you will be the target of tip-hungry waiting staff before you’ve even sat down. They’ll make you taste the wine before pouring, as if you’re an experienced sommelier and not someone who just buys the bottle with the prettiest label, and pop up every three minutes to check if everything is ok with your meal. You’ll want to tell them to piss off but that would ruin the romantic ambience.
The overpriced menu
You thought taking your partner somewhere fancy would be a lovely treat but they’re appalled at the prices and would rather you put the money towards a new boiler. You end up ordering a starter and a small glass of wine each and then spend the rest of the meal cowering from the disdainful glares of the maitre d’ each time he passes your table.
The musicians
A live jazz band will be fun, you thought, but actually they are parping and tinkling away so loudly that you and your partner can’t keep up a conversation. You end up sat together in miserable silence as the drummer does an epic avant garde free jazz solo and then are expected to clap politely like he hasn’t just stolen ten minutes of your one precious life on this earth.
The dress code
You’re not usually one for smart dress but jeans and trainers aren’t going to cut it in the place you’ve booked. Instead, you and your partner squeeze into outfits you last wore to a wedding four years ago and spend the evening feeling fat, uncomfortable and paranoid that you’re about to spill tomato bouillabaisse all down the only nice item of clothing that you own.
Other diners
However much you and your partner genuinely adore each other, you always feel like the couple canoodling at the next table are doing a better job of showing their affection. However, watching them stick their fingers in each other’s dinner and then each other’s mouths makes you happy that you’re leaving with each other.
