COUNSELLORS have advised couples suffering issues in their relationships that if they ignore them completely they eventually go away.
Despite their previous emphasis on communication and compromise, experts have found that putting the television on or going to the pub when major relationship problems emerge is, long-term, less stressful and more successful.
Couples counsellor Dr Helen Archer said: “There’s an undeniably strong correlation between happiness and refusing to acknowledge anything is wrong. Also having a shed to hide in.
“Key skills couples should develop include never asking ‘what’s wrong?’ when your partner has the hump, never looking at their phone and not noticing when you’ve not had sex in months. The key love language, it turns out, is silence.
“Couple Roy and Pauline Hobbs of Dorking have barely spoken since 1986 and yet reported sky-high levels of marital bliss. One could die and we’re not sure the other would notice. Let that be a model for the young to follow.”
Pauline Hobbs said: “All this modern nonsense with talking things over. I once ran away with the postman for nine weeks and Roy never mentioned it apart from ‘You’re back then? Best get the tea on.’”
Dr Archer said: “If everyone follows this advice I’ll have put myself out of business. But it’s worth it not to have to listen to whinging couples and their pissant problems.”
