A 16-YEAR-OLD boy has become a man on finally coming to the understanding that his father, who he once looked up to, is something of a prick.
Oliver O’Connor has entered the estate of manhood on realising his dad’s career advice is bollocks, his music taste painfully mainstream, and his insights into Chelsea’s playing style regurgitated from the Daily Express.
O’Connor said: “When I was a kid, Dad was this distant yet all-knowing, all-powerful god. I yearned for his love and approval and waited for hours for his attention to turn away from Carol Kirkwood doing the weather.
“I could scarcely believe I’d one day be as tall and magnificent as him and know about things like ‘spark plugs’ and ‘bleeding radiators’, both of which sounded violent and exciting.
“Then last week he came in while my mates were here, pretending to knock his head on the doorway, doing lame gags about Charli XCX sounding like a name for a fighter jet, and the scales fell from my eyes.
“It was like watching the Terminator turn into Matt Hancock. Suddenly everything – the ‘Prick With A Fork’ barbecue apron, his insistence that Jason Statham should win an Oscar, his wank trainers – is further proof of what a knobhead he is. What happened?”
Father Simon O’Connor said: “It had to happen. Now I can stop being a role model and slump in a chair necking cans.”
