AS a 19-year-old fresher who’s bought weed twice, Jack Browne is an expert at rolling spliffs and it often only takes three goes. Here he talks you through it.
First, assemble your kit. Big Rizlas. Three packs of little Rizlas in case you have to stick three together. Roach cardboard. Artist’s knife and cutting board. Sellotape.
Second, lay the Rizla out reverentially and sprinkle your weed, hash or chronic onto it. Don’t put much in so it will last longer. Add tobacco in thick clumps.
Lick the Rizla. Realise you have licked the non-gummy bit of the Rizla which is now wet paper and sticking to the other side, only a bit but enough to scatter the contents everywhere. Return to step two.
Lick the Rizla. Try to roll smoothly and evenly so all the tobacco compacts into a cylinder, then neatly seal. This will not go as planned. The tobacco will make a desperate break for freedom and the paper will stick to it. Pick apart and return to step one.
Lick the Rizla. Manage to contain the tobacco, but in a cone of paper with a tiny aperture at one end and wide open at the other. Hold it up proudly and watch the contents fall out. Return to step bloody one.
Lick the Rizla. Form a workable compromise between a cylinder and a cone. Rizla now sticking to your sweaty fingers. Tear off roach, roll between fingers and completely f**k up the paper trying to force it in. Return to step one.
Lick the f**king Rizla. Form a compromise. Try to put the roach in. It falls out. Try again. It falls out, and the Rizla is becoming unstuck. Resort to Sellotape.
Congratulations! Now smoke, discovering as you do so that it’s too tight to draw smoke through without becoming light-headed, and count this as a win.
