DID you think a spray of Lynx Africa in a bedroom that pungently stank of weed helped? It didn’t. No doubt you tried these other tricks too:
Lighting a joss stick
As a teenager you placed great faith in the power of a joss stick to cover up suspicious smells. However, expecting a barely scented stick of Nag Champa to erase the powerful stench of numerous badly rolled joints is something that only a mind addled by drugs would attempt.
Opening a window
Opening a window may have reduced the fug of smoke that built up but it did naff all about the pungent aroma that penetrated your mum’s soft furnishings. Twenty years later, the landing of your childhood home still has a faint whiff of pot.
Squirting Lynx Africa
Just like in a BO-infused schoolboy’s changing room, adding Lynx Africa to the smell of weed simply made the smell mutate into something even more potent and disgusting. The only benefit was that you created an odour so rank that your parents didn’t want to approach your bedroom.
Leaning awkwardly out of a window
This genius plan failed because giggling stoned people can’t be arsed to stand in an uncomfortable position for ages, and smoke doesn’t obediently fly out of the window and never return.
Setting the kitchen on fire
Getting so stoned that you set the grill on fire while trying to make cheese on toast annoyed the crap out of your parents. On the other hand it stopped your house smelling of drugs and meant your mum insisted on making all your snacks until you left home. So once the fire brigade had left, it was a bit of a winner.
Denial
If everything else failed, you denied it was you and blamed your sibling. They still have a tragically distant relationship with your parents, but at least you remain the favourite child to this day.
