Man's 'signature dish' is his only dish

A MAN’S ‘signature dish’ is actually his only dish, it has been confirmed.

Tom Logan proudly offers to cook dinner whenever guests come over, although if they have been more than once then they already know to expect a mediocre chicken casserole.

It is understood that Logan’s deeply average skill in the kitchen would be better tolerated if he did not go on like he was Gordon Ramsay.

Logan said: “Everyone goes mad for ‘chicken a la Tom’. People always ask for a doggy bag to take it home in, and they always make sure they take most of what was on their plate.

“What’s the point of learning to cook anything else when I’ve already achieved perfection? The special ingredient is pickled onions.”

Logan’s partner Helen Archer said: “Whenever Tom talks about his signature dish I want to hold his hand on the stove.”

Can you keep a secret or are you a little gobshite?

BEING able to keep a secret is an admirable quality, which is why most people can’t. Take our test to see if you’re a little gobshite.

What’s your definition of a secret?
A)   Information that I’m not supposed to tell anyone.
B)  Very exciting information that although could cause distress if it’s revealed makes for a way better night down the pub.

If someone tells you a secret what happens?
A)   I feel glad that I could be someone’s trusted confidant.
B)  My cheeks flush, I shout ‘YES HOT GOSS’ inside my head then say out loud ‘I won’t tell anyone’ whilst thinking of who I’m actually going to tell.

Do you tell your partner everything?
A)   No.
B)  Yes I have always told my partner absolutely everything with the exception of fancying people at work, down the gym and at the pub.

Can you actually keep a secret?
A)   Yes
B)  No I’m like Closer Magazine being edited by Lord Varys.

Mostly As: Congratulations you’re an honorable human being.
Mostly Bs: You little shit.