BOARD games needn’t be universal fun for everyone – with a few tweaks they can become painfully middle class! Here’s how.
Scrabble
Use the tiles to help your children learn to spell their ridiculously pretentious names. Whichever poor bastard spells it right first wins.
Trivial Pursuit
Simply rewrite the questions to reflect dreary middle-class interests, such as correctly guessing property prices or naming the best local school. Imagine the little wedges are artisanal cave-aged cheddars.
Cluedo
Rather outdated for modern middle class people. Why should it be Mrs White in the dining room with the candlestick when it can be Ms Clean Eating in the kitchen extension with the NutriBullet? Or Mr Chartreuse in the wet room with an underripe avocado?
Risk
Update the old missions like ‘Capture North America and Africa’ to something more aspirational like ‘Gentrify Kamchatka’.
Hungry Hippos
Since obesity is the new class divide, the aim of the updated version is to avoid unnecessary calories by being the first to consume a healthy amount of little plastic balls then stop. Great fun.
Monopoly
Already pretty middle class with its focus on property, and buy-to-let landlords will enjoy charging rent. Enjoy as is.
