A MAN’S girlfriend has without warning nailed six vintage copper jelly moulds to the kitchen wall like a total fucking nutcase.
The moulds, which are in a range of shapes from fish to rabbits to shells, appeared on the wall as if from nowhere and have left Tom Booker baffled and afraid.
He said: “I asked her ‘What are these?’ and she said ‘They’re jelly moulds, what does it fucking look like?’
“From her aggressive demeanour I sensed it was already too late for ‘But we never make or eat jelly’ or ‘Couldn’t we store them in a drawer?’ Somehow I’d already failed to understand.
“I hazarded ‘They look… nice?’ and she replied that it was about time we got the kitchen sorted out, as if mounting jelly moulds like we’d hunted and killed them had anything to do with the fridge being buggered.
“I guess I just have to live with them as if they’re in some way normal until either I get used to them or they’re gone like they were never here.”
Girlfriend Francesca Johnson said: “Everyone’s doing it. It would be weird if we didn’t have them.”
