By Nathan Muir
LIKE the whole liberal world that paid no attention to New Zealand until liking the look of Ardern from the stories they skimmed, I have lost a heroine today.
From her style to her speeches to her forthright viral clips, there was nothing that wasn’t great about Ardern. She kept her country Covid-safe, she presumably did other things, she was brilliant.
And now? Her pathetic countrymen, who were threatening not to vote for her despite the fact I’ve never even heard of any other candidates, have worn her down. The Thinking Person’s Progressive Princess has resigned.
How? How could they take her from us? Take away our dream of saying ‘I may emigrate to New Zealand, under Jacinda it is an earthly paradise’ at dinner parties?
No, I don’t know any specifics of her policies. That’s not the point. They were undoubtedly brilliant, though perhaps too far-reaching and visionary for a jealous, carping few, probably white men.
Who will I follow now? Jacinda wasn’t a false hope, like Justin Trudeau or Hugo Chavez or the Iceland lesbian woman whose name escapes me. Jacinda was the real deal.
Sanna Marin? Too attractive for my motives to remain pure. That new Brazilian one? Hasn’t been inspirational on Twitter. Did socialists win in Spain recently or was that a while ago?
No, there will never be another Ardern, the first New Zealand politician I’ve ever heard of and the last. I shall now dismiss their pissant little country entirely.
