ANALYSIS of the last fortnight’s riots have revealed them to be caused either by deep societal issues or a handful of dickheads up for a ruck and a loot. 

As cases continue to go through court, opinion is split as to whether they came about because of social exclusion and government cuts or a bunch of racist wankers who enjoy burning shops and throwing bricks at police.

Sociologist Denys Finch Hatton said: “On the one hand, the white underclass has suffered systematic neglect. On the other, this one twat in Hull smashed up a brown man’s BMW and looted Lush.

“You see, looking at root causes and underfunding of education does tend to overlook that some people are just dicks, angry that the Reform landslide they were illiterately predicting on their local newspaper’s comment section failed to transpire.

“I personally was very unhappy with the government over the last 18 years, yet at no time did I hit a paramedic with a piece of wood. Does that make me the knobhead or them? I’m going with them.”

Rioter Martin Bishop said: “I’m not entirely sure who is to blame for my throwing a bin through the window of JD Sports and subsequently being jailed for 22 months.

“Just kidding, of course I know. It’s the Muslims.”