THE US is hunting down the thoughtless prick who provided Donald Trump with a map of the world and caused all this trouble.
The incoming president has never previously suffered from territorial ambition but is now attempting to annex Canada, buy Greenland and wants the Panama Canal as an inaugural gift, prompting advisers to seek out where he even heard about them from.
A Mar-a-Lago insider said: “He’s clearly got one. How else would he know the names of all these places? He didn’t before.
“It’s somewhere in his suite, covered in ketchup fingerprints, with Gulf of Mexico scribbled out and ‘Gulf of AMERICA!’ written in, but we can’t find it and he’s getting worse. Yesterday he asked if I knew we had to go through Canada to get to Alaska, and if I thought that was ‘fair’.
“Last time he’d happily get on Air Force One, meet a leader, have a banquet, fly home and not even know where he’d been. Now he’s getting all geopolitical.
“It’s definitely a map, not a globe, which is why he thinks Greenland is as large as the continental United States. I pity the poor bastard who has to explain the Mercator Projection to him.”
He added: “If he finds out it wraps around and we’re only a strait away from Russia? Oh boy.”
