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Obama discovers ‘nato’ is Welsh for ‘herpes’

WELSH schoolchildren yesterday told President Obama that ‘nato’ means ‘herpes’ in their native language.

Visiting a school in Newport, the US president told the pupils he was attending the Nato summit and was met with a mixture of bewilderment, disgust and infantile sniggering.

Twelve year-old Elwyn Thomas said: “He kept saying it until eventually I was forced to put my hand up and ask if he’d been at it with a prostitute.

“And then I told him my Uncle Rhodri had to get an injection right in his cock.”

Pupil Kerys Williams added: “Coming in here talking about nato like it was something to be proud of. I’m only 10. Dirty bugger.

“And why are they having a conference about it?”

President Obama also learned that ‘ukraine’ means ‘sex-based injury’ and ‘putin’ is Welsh for the gunk that gathers around the base of a kitchen tap.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

Morrissey’s ticket price has dropped to £3.26

The scheme has been welcomed by fans who have sat through five tracks from The Who’s Endless Wire for every Won’t Get Fooled Again.

Promoter Nathan Muir said: “Acts like The Rolling Stones, who proudly refuse to bore their fans with tracks from Bridges Over Babylon, can continue to charge full price.

“In contrast Kate Bush, who insisted on performing the entire ‘song-suite’ A Sky of Honey from her 2005 album Aerial, now owes her audience a 38 per cent refund.”

The rule will apply across the board, with Neil Young at the O2 risking thousands if he delves into his 80s catalogue.

Meanwhile, EMF will lose out on 15 per cent of the door at the Exeter Phoenix if they play anything but Unbelievable.

Acts like Beyoncé whose new material is popular are exempt, because nobody goes to see them except girls anyway.

 

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