PREGNANT women have been advised to forget boring hospitals and to go into labour in nightclubs, on trains and in safari parks instead.
PushNew NHS guidance urges expectant mothers to forego a nice, clean bed in a building full of medical professionals in favour of an exciting location that will make a great story to tell the baby when it grows up.
Dr Roy Hobbs said: In the old days, before paid maternity leave, women were always giving birth in shoe shops or at the hairdresser or on the assembly line at British Leyland.
Wed all read the story in the newspapers, chuckle at details like a comb being used to saw through the umbilical cord, and our days would be brightened.
But sadly todays lazy females dont want to give birth to their first child while watching Led Zeppelin at Knebworth, their contractions timed to John Bonhams drumming in Moby Dick, because of silly worries about complications and blood loss.
We need to bring that tradition back, if only because then children would be called things like Uber or Nando instead of them all being called Oliver or Olivia.
Mother of four Joanna Kramer said: I gave birth to my first while white water rafting, my second on a horse and the twins while doing a bungee jump one on the way down, the other on the way back up.
Of course theyve all been taken into care because Im an unfit mother, but adventurous or what?
