A NEW survey shows Generation Z in the US and Europe are significantly less happy than older generations. How can we cheer them up? 

Bill McKay, lobster fisherman: “I notice they also drink less and have less sex than previous generations. I wonder if there could be some kind of link.”

Tom Logan, arbitrator: “I’m Generation X, and we had all their worries like joblessness, climate change, and shit jobs, but we also had ecstasy and Pete Tong mix CDs.”

Margaret Gerving, retired headmistress: “Apparently young people are far happier in Moldova, Saudi Arabia and El Salvador, so let’s ship our miserable bastards there.”

Ryan Whittaker, student: “I blame social media. Particularly Snapchat. Specifically that twat Kayden who won’t stop spreading rumours about me copulating with an oven-ready chicken.”

Roy Hobbs, mobile windscreen technician: “The evidence is in. When will the Tories do what’s right for the young and take us into war?”