AMERICANS believe their country is blessed by God, but how does it match up in a straight head-to-head? We put two Bostons up against each other to find out:
Population
Boston, USA: With an estimated population of 666,783, the 21st most populous city in America would seem to have it on the numbers.
Boston, UK: A manageable population of just 66,500 – less than ten per cent of its larger cousin – makes the smaller Boston easy to get around, friendlier, and less overwhelming. It’s a win!
US 0 – UK 1
Culture
Boston, US: The home of the bar from Cheers, where everybody knows your name. But what if you want a quiet pint without people badgering you and Carla’s wisecracks?
Boston, UK: Has a Wetherspoons called the Moon Under Water, like 13 other Wetherspoons throughout the country, guaranteeing the kind of peaceful anonymity real drinkers crave. They won’t know your name here even if you tell them.
US 0 – UK 2
Sport
US: Has the Boston Red Sox, the Celtics, the Bruins and the New England Patriots, not one of which plays a proper sport ordinary people can enjoy. There’s also the Boston Marathon.
UK: Not one but two non-league football teams, a rugby team, bowls, sailing and swimming clubs. The weekly Park Run is held 51 more times a year than the Boston Marathon and is only 12 per cent as long so can be finished quicker.
US 0 – UK 3
Food
US: Famous for lobster, clam and cod, all of which quite frankly stink and taste unpleasantly fishy.
UK: Despite being on the coast Bostonians eschew seafood in favour of fast food. The town enjoys the highest obesity rate in the country, with a third of adults classed as obese, so it’s easy to feel slim and attractive here.
US 0 – UK 4
Celebrities
US: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Leonard Nimoy, Edward Norton, Uma Thurman, Stephen Tyler and Mark Wahlberg, among others, are all from Boston.
UK: With only Covid spokesman Sir Jonathan Van-Tam, the Yanks just about edge a win here.
US 1 – UK 4
F**king stupid political gestures in the name of independence
US: In 1773, the Sons of Liberty, disguised as native Americans, threw an entire shipment of tea into Boston harbour and sparked the American Revolution, which even ardent supporters will have to admit hasn’t worked out well.
UK: In 2016 the brave people of the real Boston stood up to be counted and voted in massive numbers to leave the EU, with 75 per cent of voters making it the most Brexity town in Britain. And seven years later, with Britain thriving, they are honoured as heroes.
US 1 – UK 5
Verdict
A humiliating trouncing for the inferior US Boston, scoring one pathetic point on a technicality while Lincolnshire’s finest romps home with an emphatic win.
Next week: which is the best Sydney, the Australian one or the area of north-western Crewe near the Grand Junction retail park?
