WHAT a scorcher and Britain’s loving it. Worried about climate change, like a Swedish schoolgirl? Consider the upsides, explains the Sun:
Tits out
As Britain heats the beaches of Bournemouth and Blackpool will go all European, with sexy birds whipping off bikini tops and going boobs out. No man can argue that global warming is bad when it means you get to see norks on a more regular basis.
Beers in the park
Ever wished those two months of drinking Carlsberg in the local park in summer could last forever? Now that we’ll be hitting the mid-30s in March, we can hit the cans night after blistering night. They’re recyclable, so the wokies can’t complain.
Beaches for everyone
With sea levels rising, soon even shitholes like the Midlands will have their own beach, complete with banana boats and fit surfer birds. Imagine getting off at Birmingham New Street and diving into the crystal clear waters of what used to be big Primark.
No need for coats
Layering up is what nanny-state liberals do. With skyrocketing temperatures there’ll be no more cloakroom charge because we’ll all be out on the town in T-shirts and shorts, like revellers in Marbella and Newcastle-upon-Tyne.
No polar bears
Tree-huggers pretend these lads are all cuddly but you wouldn’t want to run into one in a pub toilet. It’s one less predator to worry about and one less animal you and your mates need to argue about whether you could beat in hand-to-hand combat.
F**k Europe
Brexit isn’t done yet. Not while we’re still dependent on the EU for our sunshine breaks. Global warming means that the furthest any Brit will have to go is the coast of their own country, where an Only Fools & Horses-themed pub serving chips is never far away.
