FOOD shoppers have demanded the removal of nutritional information, the country of origin and all extraneous adjectives from their food packaging. 

New research has found that shoppers are fine with a simple description of the contents rather than a a multi-coloured pie chart and an invitation to call the manufacturer’s customer feedback line for a chat.

Shopper Ryan Whittaker said: “Food is necessary. A short essay about the founder’s burning desire to bring crisps from a specific Herefordshire field to the nation is not.

“Am I paying for this? Because I don’t give a badger’s fanny about the salt content, sugar content, how furry it will make my arteries or whether the manufacturer is endorsed by Fair Trade, the Soil Association or the Bavarian Illuminati.

“I promise you I don’t dwell on the picture of a craggy-faced farmer in a cable-knit jumper or the accompanying revelation that ‘Paddy knows each one of his cows by name and reads them poetry by moonlight’ for a moment when eating my pasty. So could it f**k off?”

Emma Bradford said: “Apparently my granola was ‘hand-crafted with 100 per cent pure love’. Which would seem to rule out a factory.

“Sometimes I’m not even sure I love my children, so this level of devotion to some dry, inert flakes and a pinch of small, disappointing raisins is somewhat unnecessary.”