Prince Harry dating Xena

PRINCE Harry has been on multiple dates with sexy 90s warrior Xena, it has emerged.

A source said: “They’re both royal and really into war so it’s a good match. They talk about swords and helicopters.

“He likes that she wears armour to social events.

“Harry tried introducing Xena to champagne but she spat it on the floor, called it ‘sparkling dog’s water’ and demanded a goblet of mead. Then she got too drunk and disembowelled some Chino-wearing public schoolboys, but everyone thought it was funny.

“The main obstacle is that she uses a portal to nip back and forth into our world and she isn’t sure the wizard can keep it open.”

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High streets to become 'pre-Amazon retro tourist attractions'

THE future of high streets is as nostalgic ‘pre-Amazon’ tourist attractions, it has been claimed.

High streets across the UK are being re-branded as Noughties Land theme parks, with a £12 entrance fee to ‘discover the bygone world of manual shopping’.

The themed attractions feature ‘souvenir shops’ including Virgin and Dixons.

Eleanor Shaw, a visitor to Noughties Land in Swindon said: “I just bought a Lighthouse Family CD reduced from £18.99 to £17.99, like my grandparents probably did.

“I keep looking at the disc, trying to see the music.”

Noughties Land manager Stephen Malley said: “Our visitors buy things purely for the novelty of the experience.

“They’ll pick a book at random and then awkwardly hand the assistant a bundle of notes, slightly afraid to make eye contact.”

Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “I used to hate these places but now I’m nostalgic for any kind of human interaction.

“Manual shopping is a great test of your verbal skills. It also proves you don’t have to do everything on computers, because the world is like a screen you can walk into.”

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