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I’m sick of being your f**king punchline, Michael Fish tells Britain

MICHAEL Fish is sick of being a byword for fucking up and you can all sod off, the infamous weatherman has declared.

After Bank of England economists described their failure to predict the financial crisis as their ‘Michael Fish moment’, Fish said the next person to use the phrase ‘Michael Fish moment’ would get a ‘Michael Fish boot up their arse’.

He added: “Do you know what’s a byword for fucking up? The Bank of fucking England, that’s what.

“Okay, yeah, so that’s more than one word, so I suppose I fucked that up as well?

“Arseholes.”

Most Britons working either seven or seventy hours a week

BRITONS with jobs are either desperately under-employed freelancers or working like a bastard, it has emerged.

Researchers found the traditional nine-to-five model has been replaced by a seven-to-nine routine for corporate employees and a ten-to-eleven routine for ‘consultants’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said, “Britain’s workforce is being made to work far too much and far too little.

“On the one hand, you have those in full-time employment. To handle the workload foisted on them by the latest round of mass redundancies, they’re having to get to the office just after dawn and stay till long after dusk.

“They might have their own office cubicle and fancy title but they might as well be collecting whelks for 14 hours a day.”

He added: “Meanwhile, freelancers have fancy business cards but if things don’t pick up they may have to smear them with marmite and eat them.”

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