Subscribe

The moron's guide to using self-service checkouts

SCANNING your own shopping provides excellent opportunities for annoying other customers. Here’s how to make everyone behind you want to ram a courgette up your arse.

Join Mash Premium today

Subscribe to read all articles, ad-free.

Choose a subscription plan

£0 first month

  • One Month for Free
  • £3 per month thereafter
Start Trial Now

£30 / Year

Better value and makes you superior

  • Unlimited ad-free access
  • Save 17% on the monthly price
Buy Now

£200

Live another 6 years and you're ripping us off

  • Pay once - that's it
  • Unlimited ad-free access
Buy Now

What sort of no-deal Brexit idiot are you?

ARE you one of those people who’s decided to ignore every Brexit problem and just demand ‘no-deal’? Read our guide to what sort of bloodyminded idiot you are.

Join Mash Premium today

Subscribe to read all articles, ad-free.

Choose a subscription plan

£0 first month

  • One Month for Free
  • £3 per month thereafter
Start Trial Now

£30 / Year

Better value and makes you superior

  • Unlimited ad-free access
  • Save 17% on the monthly price
Buy Now

£200

Live another 6 years and you're ripping us off

  • Pay once - that's it
  • Unlimited ad-free access
Buy Now
Next story ›