THREE rail operators which are to be renationalised next year will soon have the same fantastic quality and customer service as your local council.
Passengers looking forward to South Western Railways, C2C and Greater Anglia entering public hands have been asked to imagine the efficiency and responsiveness of their bin collections, but as trains.
A government spokesman said: “The hope is that, over the long-term, you’ll be ripped off slightly less. In the short-term we’re desperate for cash. Tailor expectations accordingly.
“But they will be public services and run by the same dead-eyed civil servants as HMRC, or the Passport Office, or your local municipal swimming pool. Hated being on hold for 40 minutes? Try nobody answering the phone for an hour.
“If you want, you can ask commuters on TransPennine or South Eastern, both in public hands already, if services have dramatically improved. Expect a lengthy answer, containing multiple uses of the word ‘bastards’.
“It will mean spurious profits not being shovelling into the grasping hands of CEOs who wreck the service, if that’s any consolation while you wait outside Milford for three hours while repeatedly reminded the buffet car has no tea. I suspect it won’t be.”
26-year-old Ellie Shaw said: “I asked my dad how great British Rail was before it was privatised. He fell into a black pit of despair from which he has yet to emerge.”
