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Quirky start-up is based in normal office and pays its staff with money

A START-UP company is based in a normal office instead of a giant playground and is paying people a fair wage instead of free kombucha.

The food and beverage company – called Thomson Food and Beverage rather than ‘YumiTumi’ – is treading new ground by getting its employees to do normal stuff.

Instead of providing a rounders league, free fermented yoghurt and an office hen, the business will concentrate on providing a service for which there is a demand, getting money for it, and then giving some of that money to the people who work there.

Managing director Anne Thomson said: “We have completely individualised our workspace with grey carpet on the floors and ‘sit down’ desks.

“There is also unlimited water in the taps.”

Thomson added: “Our employees do not receive obscure perks, except getting paid a competitive hourly rate in actual pounds which they can use to buy things.

“And if they want to dick about on Facebook occasionally or leave a bit early when I’m not there, I really don’t care.”

Song of Ice and Fire single released

THE full-cast song with which the Game of Thrones finale concluded last night has been released as a single with hopes it will go to number one. 

The epic musical number, which united all current and departed cast members for an anthemic track, was the moment that all eight seasons have been building to and had viewers in tears.

Fan Nathan Muir said: “It begins with a delicate solo from Daenerys alone in exile before the massed voices of the Starks, like a male voice choir, come in with their gruff Northern verse.

“Like Band Aid, everyone gets a couple of lines, from Sansa’s soprano to the Night King’s death metal growl, and Tyrion’s middle-eight rap narrates the whole extraordinary journey in a seriously dope 16 bars.

“Then they all join together for the chorus ‘It’s a song of ice and fire, of wolves ever so dire, of brave knights with their squires and dragons that flames respire.’

“‘It’s a great big game of thrones, from tropical to polar zones, of kings reduced to bones, who will win it? No-one knows!’

“Then at the end the whole thing completely collapses into a cacophonous mess, but all the money goes to the Westeros Orphan Fund so buy it anyway.”

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