REFORMING to cash in on nostalgia is a common way for bands to make some money in their twilight years. Although these unmissed acts really needn’t bother.
Blazin’ Squad
Yes, the hip hop group topped the charts with Crossroads, but that was in 2002. Times have changed. Attack of the Clones came out that year, but you’re hardly clamouring to watch that again either. Crossroads wasn’t even an original Blazin’ Squad composition, proving that their cultural impact was basically a parasitic fluke.
Fast Food Rockers
A novelty band whose short-lived career felt like an elaborate tax write-off. In retrospect their despairingly catchy song, which listed the names of various fast food outlets, feels like a grim precursor to the viral success of Baby Shark Dance. And for this they should never be forgiven, let alone allowed to perform to a homecoming crowd of obligated friends and relatives.
Metro Station
With their sweeping side-fringes and ironic waistcoats, Metro Station were the nadir of Noughties emo culture. Like the Great Depression or the blitz, this was an era which people who lived through it want to forget, not relive in an overpriced arena. Plus they only had one hit that anyone can remember, which is not grounds enough for a reunion.
The Cheeky Girls
Thankfully, Gabriela and Monica Irimia seem to be aware that their careers as musicians are over, as they both now work in a car dealership in York. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s good honest work and their royalties probably went through the floor years ago. It does mean they might subject you to their back catalogue if you try to extend your warranty on a Nissan Qashqai though.
Menswear
Sadly a Menswear reunion feels inevitable. The band only formed at the height of Britpop to have a quick suckle on that lucrative teat, but with Blur and Pulp touring again it’s likely only a matter of time until they hit the road. Let the prospect of them performing in a Doncaster bingo hall be a warning of the fickle nature of Britpop fame.
