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Gamer preferred Lara Croft with fewer polygons

A VETERAN gamer has admitted he found Lara Croft sexier when she only had 250 polygons. 

Nathan Muir believes Croft, who celebrates her 20th anniversary today, was far more attractive on the original PlayStation before she got all fancy with curves and multiple light sources. 

He continued: “What can I say? I like my women blocky. 

“For a few years there, while Lara still had that innocent painted-on smile and those beguilingly ill-fitting arm joints, she was my perfect girl. 

“She’d dance to my sensitive touch on the controller, her body responding in ways the laws of physics would make impossible in this world, never complaining when I sent her to her death. 

“But then she got more sophisticated, started to talk instead of just grunting, developed individually separated buttocks instead of a single mass, and the magic was gone. 

“I’m sorry, Lara. I’m just a 32-bit guy.” 

Muir added: “Also, I preferred your breasts enormous and ending in a sharp geometric point.”

Mother politely asked to breastfeed in skip

A MOTHER breastfeeding in a shop was politely asked to go and do it in a nearby skip instead. 

23-year-old Emma Bradford was feeding her five-week-old daughter in the empty changing room of a high street fashion retailer when staff entered with electrified cattle prods. 

Bradford said: “They said I was upsetting other customers, which is why none of them would come in the shop, and ushered me down to a windowless cellar. 

“Then they said there’d been a complaint from a rat and made me go around the back and crouch between two bins in the rain. 

“But I was still visible from the street and so they shooed me into a skip full of out-of-date seafood, where I finished her feed and gave her a little burp. 

“I don’t think I want to shop there again.” 

Manager Joanna Kramer said: “I don’t see the problem with making people do anything as long as you ask them politely.”

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