THEY are seminal because music writers love them and all other music is judged in their shadow. But are they actually any good?
Daft Punk
Exhausted after an inhuman workrate of four albums and a tour in 28 years, more than any Frenchman could stand, Daft Punk retired in 2021 to smoke purposefully while staring at the Parisian skyline. Also, one of those albums is universally disregarded while the others are largely filler.
Kraftwerk
More European men pretending to be robots, Kraftwerk are beloved by anyone too blind to see that their icy synthesiser experimentation inevitably led to Eurodance, the Vengaboys and Basshunter. Their albums are mainly listened to out of politeness apart from the one about the Tour de France, which is listened to not at all.
The Velvet Underground
Everyone had that one album, the one with the banana cover and about four good tracks, when they were at the stage of weed-smoking where skinning up took four people. But did you know they did several other albums, all of which are ‘only for the fans’? Resist any urge to investigate.
Nirvana
When you’ve got more good T-shirts than you’ve got good records, then you’re flawed as a band. Yeah they were huge, grunge was huge, it was all very exciting and tragic but come on; Bleach is no better than any first album, In Utero is wilfully unlistenable, and the best bits of MTV Unplugged are covers.
Frank Ocean
Not a band, just one man making critically acclaimed music that actively resists any attempt to actually listen to it. How many times have you put Blonde on, vowing to really give it a good go this time, and then it’s over having made less impression than Jeremy Vine taking calls about listeners’ favourite bedding plants?
Radiohead
Admit it; they kind of went shit after The Bends.
