THERE ain’t no party like a National Express coach party. Here are just some of the high-octane destinations your grandad and I have painted red, writes Grandma Hughes.

The Cotswolds 

What could be better than six hours stuck on a coach with one toilet, with the couple in front of you eating egg salad sandwiches for the entire journey? Only reaching the land of adventure that is the Cotswolds at the end of it! There’s just so much to pack into the short 48 you have there, like looking at the lovely houses and… all sorts of things! 

Snowdonia  

Not for the faint of heart. Snowdon is over 1,000 metres high, although somewhat easier to scale if you’re just sitting in a coach. Even so, it can be hazardous if confused oldies wander off during the ‘comfort break’ and it’s only noticed once you’ve got back to Birmingham. 

Whitby 

What with the Dracula connection and everything, it doesn’t get any more spine-tingling than a bus to Whitby Abbey decorated with cobwebs and a light-up witch from the Asda Halloween aisle. And once you get there you can make old person jokes about the goths, eg. ‘He’s wearing more make-up than her!’ Great fun! 

Torquay 

The thrills never end when you’re kept on your toes all night by a dinner of dodgy scampi and a window which won’t close properly – and these are just some of the unique pleasures of the seaside. The highlight for us was being treated to the coach driver’s hilarious Basil Fawlty impression, although it’s probably banned now because of the little dago chap. 

The Lake District 

Nothing says excitement like a trip to the Beatrix Potter Museum and a boat trip across Lake Windermere in the same day. What if you miss the transfer? Anything could happen. Your Grandad even managed to get some Kendal Mint Cake for us to share at the back of the bus. Let me tell you, we were high as kites!

Blackpool 

The tower is inspired by the Eiffel Tower, need we say more? We skipped the amusements and headed straight to the theatre for a production of Moulin Rouge!, and your Grandad really, really enjoyed that. In my book, it’s better than the real Paris, in that you don’t have to actually go to France. We’ve never got on with the French.