ARE you in enough of a frothing peak of sexual frenzy for Bridgerton season two? Take our quiz:
How do you spend your evenings?
A) Watching TV: it could be a documentary, a comedy show or even a sci-fi drama. After all, this is the golden age of television
B) Frottering myself frantically against the furniture while watching a period drama that has all the trappings of Bridgerton but without the glorious money shots
What do you look for in entertainment?
A) A strong plot, solid acting, to learn something new about the world and to be absorbed
B) Bonnets, bosoms, breeches, flirtation, smouldering lust hidden beneath aristocratic gentility and a lady in petticoats getting oral from a hot Duke on library steps
Have you read the novels of Jane Austen?
A) I haven’t, but apparently they’re tightly-written satire about the British landed gentry in the 18th century
B) I tore through all six of them and there was no shagging at all, not even Mr Darcy, even though the British landed gentry in the 18th century was awash with sex and everyone obsessed about it constantly, like I do
How are you sleeping at the moment?
A) Like a log. I’m so knackered I’m out the moment my head hits the pillow
B) I’m tossing and turning all night through, my mind writhing with dapper gentlemen in waistcoats, beautiful debutantes in corsets, elaborate masked balls, explicit sex acts performed in brocade-draped drawing rooms, wicked chaperones, being done from behind on a chaise longue, dowries, riding a Viscount in a four-poster bed, and the servants blushing as they hear me climax
Are you planning to watch the new Bridgerton?
A) Is that the period drama, is it? I don’t think I finished it. I preferred the one where the girl played chess
B) Yes! YES! YESSS!!!
ANSWERS
Mostly As: You act like Bridgerton’s not the sexual event of your year, but beneath your whalebone stays you’re wild for it just like the Duke of Hastings was for Daphne. You little tease.
Mostly Bs: You think of nothing but Bridgerton night and day. It is your pinnacle, your release. You’ll binge-watch all eight episodes in one libidinous day then lie there, sated, covered in your own shame and regret. Then do it all over again the next day.
