TRUMP’S threats towards Canada and the world are hard to take in without being distracted by his bizarre writing style. Want to emulate it? Here’s how:
Occasional haphazard capitalisation
Whole WORDS are capitalised for emphasis, which is childlike but understood. What’s less clear is why Trump capitalises words like ‘Cars’. Is it a mark of respect? Is he referring to the 2006 Pixar film? Is he trying to sound thick?
Words mean whatever you want them to
Trump refers to judges and others who’ve opposed him as ‘conflicted’, which means ‘unable to decide between opposing feelings or views’. When from the context he meant ‘biased’ or ‘corrupt’. But it means nobody can sue him for libel as it’s impossible to establish for certain what the stupid bastard means.
“Unnecessary quotes”
In yesterday’s post about Canada, Trump refers to ‘a 25% Tariff on “Electricity” coming into the United States’. Which would normally mean you’re saying the “Electricity” is somehow fake or a falsehood. We can only hope Donald grasps a both ends of a High-Voltage “Cable” on camera to find out if this is “True”.
Walls of text
Exactly replicate the rants of the unhinged, which a million MAGAs would confirm Trump is definitely not. But there’s also a bullying, alpha male quality to them. THINK YOU’RE MAN ENOUGH TO READ A POST WITH ZERO PUNCTUATION? they seem to be saying, before concluding 500 words later AND IF YOU WANT PARAGRAPHS YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!!!
ALL CAPS
As well as random capitalisation, Trump is a big proponent of ALL CAPS posts, such as: ‘GREAT TALKS WITH RUSSIA AND UKRAINE YESTERDAY… [truncated for sanity]’ Bellowing aggressively for no reason? Or unable to turn caps lock off and nobody dares to tell him?
Ellipses have four dots
And require no spaces, as in: ‘Lazy Kamala….the MARXIST TRAITOR!!!’ It’s a trivial error, but do you ever see ellipses with anything other than three dots? Incapable of learning from example, or never read anything with more literary merit than a burger menu?
Never proofread
The man who once tweeted ‘covfefe’ still includes egregious typos in pronouncements read by the whole world. Any putative peace treaty with Russia would no doubt include multiple serious errors which nobody would step in to correct. That’s power.
Multiple exclamation marks
Serious writers avoid ‘!!!’ these days because it’s synonymous with morons or teenage girls excited about a new three-second clip of Harry Styles. Trump is a moron rather than a teenage girl, although posting ‘U R the BEST, Vlad!!! Luv you LOADS & cant wait to CU soon!!! xxxxxxxxx!!!’ would not be at all surprising.
