EVER watched a Disney film, wishing you were down the pub, and wondered which would be the best to go on a 12-hour session with? These are the top seven:
Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid
Her fuller figure means she can take her drink, and she’d have all the bitchy gossip about King Triton. And because she usually snacks on cowering sea creatures would always come back from the bar with a couple of packs of Scampi Fries.
The Wicked Queen from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
OK, she’s menopausal and paranoid, but a couple of gins in she’d have exhaust her whinging about her bitch stepdaughter and start pressuring everyone to go on to a club where she could throw shapes on a podium surrounded by mirrors.
The Beast from Beauty and the Beast
Already indistinguishable from a hirsute East London hipster, the Beast will fit in nicely in your local even if he does expect household objects to talk back to him. After a few Guinnesses who doesn’t?
Maleficent from Maleficent
Not actually that fun and a bit intense, but invited because she’s in the WhatsApp and you don’t want her appearing in an angry puff of green smoke to place a curse on your first-born. Always available to comfort any woman crying in the toilets about all men being bastards.
Marlon from Finding Nemo
His kid went away on a school trip and he immediately set off on a trans-Pacific bender with a new mate who has major memory problems and became a total f**king legend. Do not miss out on that.
Timon and Pumbaa from The Lion King
They’re already in the pub, every night. Timon wins the quiz every week and Pumbaa’s on the real ale with the flatulence to prove it. Turns out Hakuna Matata is the perfect way to dismiss concerns about alcoholism.
