A COUPLE who have been seeing each other for several weeks are deciding if they are ready to spend time together while not absolutely pissed.
Lauren Hewitt and James Bates are tentatively aiming to be sober when they next meet up, having spent previous dates getting shitfaced and slurring nonsense at each other.
Hewitt said: “It’s a big step for any new couple, hanging out without being drunk and discovering just how tedious we find each other.
“But it’s important that James gets to know the real me, and not the one who has just necked an entire pitcher of Long Island iced tea and is calling the staff at Wetherspoons wankers because they won’t put ‘Mr Brightside’ on, even though they have a no music policy.”
Bates said: “I must admit I’m nervous about taking this leap. I’m at my most confident after five pints of Grolsch, and I’m sure I’m much better looking in Lauren’s eyes when she’s got her beer goggles on.
“My other worry is that she’ll be able to remember what the sex is like if we’re not hammered. So I suspect that, once she’s soberly experienced my fumblings in the vague direction of her clitoris followed by a 90-second shag, she’ll be keen to get back on the sauce.”
