ASSERTIONS that sensible younger people avoid alcohol are being challenged by the sheer number of hammered teenagers everywhere you go.
Despite press coverage about the sensible and sober-curious younger generations eschewing alcohol in favour of being mindful, Britons are continually encountering those aged 18 to 28 off their tiny, unlined faces on booze.
Nathan Muir of Woking said: “I expected I, and the other members of Generation X and of course the Boomers, to disgrace ourselves with our dated consumption of alcohol.
“But instead I arrived at my Christmas do to find the young, and indeed those pious millennials, putting back the vodkas at astonishing rates. Slurring their words before the first course was served. Getting off with each other before the pudding was aflame.
“Joining merrily in, I asked Jordan the junior data executive how this was the case when his generation’s changed relationship with alcohol means 28 per cent of them have learned to process their emotions without booze. He was too slammed to reply.
“I assumed it was just the kids at my place, but on the walk home I had to weave past shitfaced Gen Zers before a train that was like Wetherspoons after an open bar. So I am forced to conclude it’s all bollocks. Which is what I usually conclude pissed anyway.”
Grace Wood-Morris, aged 23, explained: “Our generation is uniquely weighed down by financial and social pressures so prioritises mental health. And we’ve discovered getting wankered really helps with that.”
