Politics

WE have solved the migrant hotel problem, but apparently they don’t just vanish? No problem. We’ve used our collective expertise to find new locations to house them.

RACHEL Reeves needs to find £41 billion if she's to meet her self-imposed borrowing rules, according to a think tank. How would you rustle up the necessary funds?

GHISLAINE Maxwell is clearly being prepped to give an account of Trump and Epstein's friendship that exonerates the president. Here's the new version of events she's probably working on right now.

PRESIDENT Trump has popped into the UK to give our beleaguered prime minister advice on how to be a great leader like he is. These are his tips.

BUOYED by his record of incredible electoral success in the Islington area, Jeremy Corbyn has launched an as-yet-nameless political party. What would you call it?

ALL public spending should be cut ‘except for the specific services I use’, the electorate has informed the government.

PEOPLE often say to me: ‘Shouldn’t you be out with your mates boozing and chasing girls?’ Actually they usually say ‘You’re that Reform twat, aren’t you?’ but you see what I mean.